question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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