wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
