Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
