what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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