And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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