You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
