I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
