I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize