I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
