this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
