Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
