Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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