I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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