Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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