He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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