do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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