just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
