I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
