Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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