We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
