Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
