Your mouth is God's brothel.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
