Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
