Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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