dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize