Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
