My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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