good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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