I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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