i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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