You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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