drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sext me about skeletons
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
