Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
