i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
