He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
