if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
