I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
