Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
