i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize