Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
