Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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