The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
