Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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