Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
