No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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