i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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