if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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