Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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