he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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