my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize