Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
