the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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