Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
