Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
