that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize