i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
