I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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