people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
