I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
