Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
