scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
