Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
