hotel room ftw
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
