my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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