I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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