We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
