Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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