it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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