I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
