Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
